Wabi-Sabi Dog - Part Two
"The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The second best time is now." –(modified Chinese proverb)
If Only I’d Known About Wabi Sabi Sooner
Within the Zen practice of Wabi Sabi, which is a Japanese philosophy that values the imperfect and the impermanent, there is a concept called Kintsugi. This art form mends broken ceramics with gold-dusted lacquer, creating something uniquely beautiful. It reminds us there is beauty in the broken and a story behind our scars.
Five years ago, I learned a secret that nearly broke me. At age 57, after taking a commercial DNA test for fun, I learned I was adopted at birth. Most of my extended family knew this secret but never told me. When my sister spoke the words, Carlyn, you were adopted. I felt a knife cut through me, tearing the fabric that connected me to my family and to myself. The shock was so destabilizing that, for a few minutes, I literally stopped hearing sounds, including the words that kept coming from my sister’s mouth.
Little Broken Things
The months after this revelation were brutal. Whether I was tying my shoes, washing the dishes, or dancing Zumba, I cried at every turn as a Molotov cocktail of emotions - grief, abandonment, heart-ache, swept over me when I least expected it. My head spun with a constant barrage of unanswered questions. Who am I? Where do I belong? Why didn’t anyone tell me?
As I pursued the truth about my origins, I unearthed more secrets and truths. I discovered a sister I never knew about, and my birth mother, presumed dead, was in a state hospital in Chicago. I met her shortly before she passed away. The stress of it all took a physical toll, making me sicker than I had ever been in my adult life. When would it all stop?
Imperfectly Perfect
Ten months later, I adopted a broken being. A horrific dog hoarding situation in Rowe, New Mexico, led me to a three-year-old cattle dog named Grace. When we met, Grace was fearful, obese, and the scars on her back showed she had survived a mountain lion attack.
Once in our home, Grace did not do the typical things that dogs normally will do. She didn’t sniff or bark, and she barely ate. It was as if she’d forgotten how to be a dog. My trauma surrounding my DNA surprise took a back seat to my concern for her wellbeing. I was determined to help Grace by giving her a second chance at love, free from stress and the pain from her past.
Six months Later
Grace was a different dog. But when I stopped to think about it, I was a different human, too. In helping her heal from her past, she had helped me heal from mine. The tempest of thoughts and emotions that plagued me before were still there, but now that storm had turned into a light drizzle.
Grace and I weren’t made of the ceramic pieces that Kintsugi seeks to mend. It was our spirits that were fractured. Yet it wasn’t the gold-dusted lacquer that put us back together again. Trust, friendship, and love were the ingredients that helped heal us. Together, we formed a powerful bond, a knowing the other would be there no matter what.
Today, Grace’s scars remain, but they are far from ugly. When others ask about her scarred back and I share her story, I see from their reactions that Grace’s journey touches and inspires them.
My journey may have ruptured the vessel that carried my original identity, but when it healed, it formed a new vessel. A work of Kintsugi not made of gold but of greater wisdom and a deeper understanding for everyone involved in my story and for myself. We can always count on life to bring the unexpected and the unwanted. But now, I have a few more insights to support me through life’s next hard knock.
Stay healthy and stay pawsitive,
Carlyn MDO 💜
P.S. Next time you encounter a rough patch or an unexpected turn, remember Grace and the art of Kintsugi. Embrace the beauty in your own story, no matter how broken it may seem. Share your journey with others—you never know who might find strength in your scars.
Thank you for the pawsitive message.
This is a beautiful story. The rescue dogs who enter our lives always come with a deeper healing power and potential.
I have a friend who did a DNA test and found out her dad was not her dad. Her mom had a one night stand and never told anyone. She eventually met her biological father, who remembered the one night stand, and welcomed her into his family (with several half siblings). Suddenly, at 50, she had a family who understood her, who behaved and spoke like she did. She had two families and for the first time in her life felt whole.
She had gotten a new pup about the same time. That pup supported her through the revelation.
So precious.